Wine and Dandy

Enough, Whole 30 “eating plan.”  I’ve endured 30 days as of today.  I think, however, I’m quitting about 6 hours early.  Here’s where I stand:

13 or so pounds down.  Not bad.

Way more awareness about how much garbage I was putting in my body.  Sure, I made loads of good choices – fresh fruit and veg, love fish and chicken – but all the incidentals were adding up.

I did have more energy during the day.  For reals.

Too bad I had to expend about 75% of it meal planning, chopping, prepping.  Every day was like F’ing thanksgiving.  Not sustainable since I have a few other pesky obligations, like kids, a job, a house…

For the most part, the food was ok, provided I invested enough time on the endeavors mentioned above.  I didn’t even miss stuff like pasta (helloooooo spaghetti squash) and bread.  Bread is merely a convenient conveyance for so many other things.  Egg salad in a lettuce wrap?  You better be wearing a damn tarp.

And then tonight, which is really the perfect culmination for my 30 days:  After dinner, I was bathing Felix.  He was chattering merrily as he is wont to do, this time about his penis, which he dubbed “the iron cylinder.”  I’m not making that up.  I simply am not that creative.  And guys?  I guess this whole naming your member thing starts young, no?

As I marveled about my son’s amazing and disturbing imagination, it happened.  Poop in the fucking tub.  Felix has made it nearly 3 1/2 years, but tonight was the night.  While I cleaned up a cylinder of a totally different kind, I decided that I have earned a glass of wine.

I’ll retain many aspects of the Whole 30.  No wine ain’t one of them.  Now if you’ll excuse me….

Actual artwork by Stella using some emoji stickers she has. It’s someone pooping. She obviously has “the gift of sight.” I may get her to pick some lottery numbers for me.