Cakey Breaky Heart

The insanity continues.

It’s lucky I’ve been going to bed early the past couple of nights, sans wine.  I’m still not getting much sleep between the kids rocking and rolling a bit due to allergies due to the see-sawing weather we’re enjoying, fearing for the Xmas tree and my furniture due to the Three Stupid Cats, worrying about our Xmas budget, wondering how the hell I’m going to get all these errands run while still attending my job and picking up my children in the afternoons, and deciding at 4:45 AM today that I should get up and watch the Ink Master finale before I saw a spoiler online.  That last one was silly, but hey….It made me happy.

I’m having a hard time saying no these days.  It’s not because I’m a pushover.  It’s because I want to be involved.  I want to be a room mom and organize the perfect holiday party for Stella’s class.  I want to make banging dip for Will’s huge family fiesta Saturday at noon (holy merde that’s soon).  I want to make paper garlands and snowflakes for our house with the  kids.  I want to make gingerbread houses.  I want to be a kick-ass Daisy Scout volunteer.

That’s where I’ve gotten a bit insane this week.  I went to a meeting the other night with other leaders and volunteers.  I love this organization.  I love my Daisies.  I’m excited about helping them with Brownies next year – if asked, of course.  My leader asked for volunteers to go to a regional meeting in April.  My hand shot up.  Then they asked for someone to co-chair a cookie rally.  I sat on my hands.  It was hard. No one spoke up.  But I’m spread thin.

And what is a cookie rally?  I suppose I pictured a room full of people holding boxes of cookies and pom-poms.  Or, a crafty meeting whereby people turned empty cookie boxes into cars and had races, à la pinewood derbies of boy scout fame.  Either way, right now I. Just. Can’t.  No matter how much I want to.

As it were, I’m committed this weekend to create something for an event called Cake Bingo.  As with “cookie rally,” I had no idea what cake bingo is.  I had envisioned giant bingo cards using baked goods as markers – kind of like those goofy estates where they have life-sized chess boards on the lawn.  No.  It’s a regular game of bingo, with cards sold as a fundraiser, and cakes as a prize.

I’m having serious cake performance-anxiety.  I’m not a decorative baker.  Any cake I create would be no prize.  And with Xmas coming (see previous paragraph where I stay up at night worrying about budget stuff), I can’t really go to a nice bakery and blow $30 on a designer cake.  I’m going to have to make do.  That’s terrifying.

You see, I always have visions of lovely things.  I just have no skill to execute these visions.  I have named our annual Xmas cooking baking sessions “Ugly Xmas Cookie Baking.” That’s because they end up looking like sparkly tumors rather than Santas or reindeer.  And forget cookie cutters.  I can’t do it.  My gingerbread inevitably look like they’ve had an industrial accident.  They taste good, but they’re not going to win style awards.

Deck the halls with boughs of tumors, fa la la la la la la la la.  From 2012.

Deck the halls with boughs of tumors, fa la la la la la la la la. From 2012.

And my "skill" with cookie cutters.

And my “skill” with cookie cutters.

Food Network:  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Food Network: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I can only hope that there’s a “funniest” category at cake bingo.  But I’m not sure that cake bingo attendees will have a sense of humor.  Wish me luck.  I have a feeling I’ll be creating something worthy of a meme.



About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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13 Responses to Cakey Breaky Heart

  1. w1nt3l says:

    Is there something that you’re good at, that a friend who can bake good looking cakes, can utilize in a favor bartering request? I’ve found that using what you’re good at to get things done that you’re not good at isn’t frowned upon, as the end result is the same regardless. The means justify the ends 🙂

  2. joey says:

    Okay, a cookie rally is like a pep rally for cookie sales. It’s not a bad one to co-chair. Think activities and songs, refreshments, pom poms optional 😉
    The one that sucks the worst is “Cookie Mom.” Being the Cookie Mom is time-consuming, involves lots of math, and no doubt brings out the very worst in people. I wish I’d had ativan when I was Cookie Mom. But, inevitably, you will need to do it once and then you can carry that cross all the days of your life.
    Maybe you just bake some cakes and don’t care how they look. Cake is delicious. People love cake. Can you melt chocolate? Do single layer cakes and pour on a ganache 🙂

    • larva225 says:

      I saw an episode of the Best American Baking Show (or whatever it’s called… the holiday one with Mary Berry and the always huggable Johnny Iuzzini), and they took a darker cake, made a snowflake template, and dusted it with powdered sugar. That may be my pony. And we don’t get into cookies until next year, so I have that long to stockpile drugs and wine.

  3. Merbear74 says:

    I suck at baking too.
    Love the name of this post. LOL 🙂

  4. Anxious Mom says:

    Maybe Sam could give you a few pointers 😉

    Maybe let your kids decorate it Christmasy and call it an Ugly Christmas Sweater cake?

    We don’t do any of this stuff at LM’s school. We have workshops and things we have to go to, occasional events for the kids, but no cookie or cake events. Our school isn’t with the times, I guess!

  5. Am so with you regarding cake baking! I’m on child no3 and now happily declare I’ll contribute as long as they’re happy with shop bought…a few shocked faces but I view it as paving the way for others to admit they can’t bake and don’t care!! If you get time please pop over to my page and let me know what you think, would guess we’re very similar!!

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