Licensed to Will

As before, I have gotten Will to narrate his experience during Felix’s birth. I’m grateful for his memories, as mine are very different and muddled by the “margarita” in my IV (as coined by my OB). As today is Felix’s 4 week “anniversary,” it seems fitting to release it today. I have altered and paraphrased as little as possible.

It was all very similar to the first one. You were upset when you went in, more than last time. I didn’t realize you were crying until the nurses yelled at me. They had told me to sit down to wait and then they fussed at me that you were crying and I was sitting and not comforting you. I was confused.

It was cold and the outfit was the same. It took longer to get you ready. When I did go in, it looked the same. I spent a long time looking at all the suspended gadgets and equipment. It all looked like a high-tech octopus with lights.

I sat down in the usual place. You were more poofy (IV fluids?) this time with your arms out and strapped down. I don’t remember that before but you said it was the same. You had loads of blankets on and seemed way more doped up this time. They got started immediately, no hesitation. Before I knew what happened, they were cutting. They seemed to cut more and longer, and less time cauterizing. Maybe this was because of the scarring. There was less “Laura smoke” this time in the air.

I looked over at you, concerned, and you looked like you were in the clouds. All the nurses and surgeons were calm. A thought that came to mind was that these people were paid for the way they can mentally cope and focus on such events as much as their skills. I felt like you were safe. The room was freezing.

The whole time they were cutting, I really wanted to stand and watch. But I didn’t know if it was allowed so I didn’t The big wall/drape got on my nerves. Why could I stare at your vagina if it was a “normal” birth but not your abdomen? I wanted to watch but didn’t want to interfere and disrupt their flow. I respect surgeons. I also didn’t want to endanger you. It was also just hard to sit down.

Everything blew up. The suction sound was first and then it got frantic. Blood was pouring out. They said the fluid was clear. Dr W was pulling at edge of incision with great force. Skin was stretching. She reached in to get the baby, all the way up to her forearms. The baby was stuck or something. Surgeon 2 was pushing hard from above. The baby wasn’t budging. Seemed like an hour but was maybe a full minute? She even pulled at incision from top and bottom. This would have been horribly painful without epidural. The skin stretched like crazy. It was bunching and folding, rippling. I could see the skin and muscle and meat, like when you filet a fish. Her hand even slipped once. I got splattered a bit in the face. It didn’t bother me but it was unexpected: I just got splashed with my wife’s blood and guts. Dr W got the baby crowbar back out like last time. Felix popped out. Time slowed down again once he was out.

First view of Felix

He cried almost immediately. Dr. W held him up like in all the pics. I don’t remember the cord being cut, so it must have been quick. He was blue with shades of pink. His “junk” was gigantic. Maybe it was the way he was being held? Maybe estrogen?

Wiping off goo and stuff.

I wanted to pick Felix up but felt odd. I didn’t know etiquette and I felt really nervous and agitated about it. With all the activity I didn’t even ask. I finally just touched his hand with my finger and that made me feel better. I looked over at you and I got to see your nerf-ball uterus again during baby after-care. It was more round than elongated this time for some reason. I imagined it would be squishy like a nerf ball if I could handle it.